Marriage Matters.TV: The Law Of Priority

Marriage Matters.TV: The Law Of Priority

Show Transcripts unedited:
hi there I’m Scott Silverii and this is
my wife Leah and we’re with marriage
matters and we thank you for joining us
here today we’ve got a really great
episode and now we’re gonna get into the
four foundational laws of marriage but
before we start that we like to say we’d
like to do a little a little
housekeeping housekeeping so uh so Leah
what do what do we have on the agenda if
you’re new to joining us we’re gonna
post each of these messages they’ll be
on our website at marriage matters you
call me drink of water
got me from a love cup uh-huh Miss
Manners that mean and who and they lost
me on Facebook which is probably where
you’re watching this but um so make sure
you share like this like our page if you
haven’t subscribed to the Facebook page
that way you get them every time that we
have an episode come up and then check
us out at the website and then this
course that we’re doing right now is
called marriage on the rock and we’re
certified facilitators of this course
and so we’re gonna take you through from
beginning to end
if you missed a couple of episodes go
back there there you can watch them and
so your you won’t miss anything in
addition to being posted on Facebook
they’re on our on our website it’s
marriage marriage matters that mean and
then also they’re on YouTube right so
they’re kind of everywhere so it’s kind
of hard to to not see them but uh and
and they don’t have to go in
chronological order
that’s why can they address me this
morning enough so that they don’t they
don’t have to be in chronological order
but but they do kind of move through
each episode so so yeah so you go to the
website and also at the website is it’s
free access it’s our gift to you the
marriage on the rock course so uh I mean
that’s our gift to you yeah so if you’re
so inclined it looked it saved our
marriage yeah it’s it’s I mean it’s been
used by millions of couples and and it’s
the real deal it’s taught by by Jimmy
Evans our pastor and through marriage
today mm-hmm so so we want to offer that
gift to you because it was it was such a
blessing us and how could we how
we not share what would helped us so
so as we always we always say we like to
think we’re in the business of of Prayer
the if you have any prayer requests on
our website you can go there there’s a
tab and it says prayers and they’re
totally confidential and they come
straight to Lee and myself we don’t we
don’t have a prayer team at this point
right but we handle everything
personally so if it’s submitted through
the website absolutely confidential or
in the comments below you put your
prayer requests in and and either way
they’re absolutely honored and we and we
pray over these and we’re and we’re
blessed and we’re fortunate to do that
so we do we encourage you to to you know
lead prayers and request prayer and and
then uh and look I mean if it you know
the we always believe in the tangibility
of specific results so you know
sometimes like all I need you to pray
for special intentions well I don’t know
what your intentions are you know I mean
are you intending to rob a bank right
and you want it to go well you know
gonna be honest I mean you know yeah
well you know you talk about going to
the Creator to the Father right and and
to go there with with hey so-and-so
wants things that go well you know we
believe in specificity and we’re not
trying to get your business right we’re
just want to we want to make sure that
that you’re covered in prayer and we’re
more than than blessed to be able to do
that so speaking of Prayer
we want to start I want to start this
episode like we do in prayer and Leah’s
Lidge jumped up and said I’m doing it
that’s a prayer warrior okay Heavenly
Father thank you so much thank you so
much for the people watching and I just
pray that it’s but their marriages grow
stronger every day and and for that
marriage these are suffering that you
just put a healing hand on them and that
you you just just work in their lives
and then their marriages and you know
just I just pray for those couples that
that are hurting and maybe separated and
you know you never know know what’s
going on and in a marriage and for those
that are drifting apart or those
there’s been an affair where those that
have just been abandonment or hurt or I
just there’s a there’s a whole list of
things where we can just just hurt each
other and and lord I just pray that you
put your healing hands on every marriage
out there and that that through you that
these marriages start to heal and
families become whole and we pray that
you use us however you need to use us
that this this ministry that this that
this subject and they the class that
we’re teaching with the marriage on the
rock we pray that that you just just
guide people and bring people to us and
and that you use us to work through them
and we just pray all these things in
your name Lord Jesus name Amen all right
so we want to jump into it and of course
we always talk about challenging each
other and then and uh and it’s good it’s
good to be challenged you know and we
want to challenge you when it when it
comes down to participating in this
program are these episodes and there’s
three things that we ask and because you
know what when you’re talking about
marriage it can get they can get tough I
mean what more personable personal is
their topic than marriage so you know
the first thing is and I’m gonna mix it
up as is to be committed right you know
and and if you and your spouse are
committed to God first and then each
other your marriage can survive anything
and become literally the marriage of
your dreams yes and second we want you
to be bold these discussions and any
questions that we ask they’re meant to
challenge you on important issues and
the truth is there’s a lot of couples
they stay away from the hard issues and
they just kind of hide it under the rug
or they glide through so we want you to
be bold we want you to talk and
communicate with each other right and
the third is to stay focused you know
it’s easy to get fired up on one day –
now I’m gonna save my marriage I’m gonna
start praying for my spouse and for our
kids and then by day two your focus on
something else stay focused and but
what you can do okay you know some of
the discussions that we’re going to put
there they may present an opportunity to
be critical of your spouse and and then
there’s going to be times when you can
lovely say how you feel about important
issues but the key to achieving intimacy
is a willingness to focus on what you
can do yourself and it’s kind of you
know and it is and and Leah said it
before word and we do we’ve experienced
it but you know from the role of a wife
and it’s its biblical standards that you
know a pray and wife can change her
husband’s behavior and and look on I’m
you know testimony to that I mean you
know we she’s prayed and and uh and
things I didn’t even not even know she
was praying about then I’m like you know
like I said I really want to talk to you
about this about this that’s been on my
heart I’m even know where it came from
and then we’ll discuss it you know and
then and then sometimes she does and
probably other times she does and she’s
like you know I was praying for that you
know God’s answered that prayer and and
listen and you can you but you’ve got to
go to God with sincerity and and and you
know it says God will give you the
desires of your heart and a lot of times
that’s mistaken to think well he’s like
a Santa Claus or a genie you know
desires in my heart I want a new car I
wanted this that’s not what he’s talking
about he would put the desires in your
heart if for me I was I was singles
divorced almost 20 years never ever
would have imagined being married and
then God put the desire to be married in
my heart and and it started to grow it
as sort of the fostering and then I
started to become comfortable with the
idea and I knew God was gonna bring me a
wife and but but had I decided you know
what I got nothing to do I need to get
hitched it would have failed like – like
the last marriage I tried you know so so
God will give you those desires and you
know what we talk about we’re gonna
reach over and plug this up and you know
it’s it’s all based on prayer and
something that Lee and I really we felt
strong about is we each we prayed about
it and we each sat down and we wrote 31
days of Prayer and I did the mince and
Leah did the women’s
I did and you know we prayed over every
one of those prayers
there’s Bible verses to go with them
there’s questions there are challenging
questions at the end of each day and we
really want you to dig deep you know
this is a great the beginning of the
years the great great time was start a
prayer challenge 31 days and if you’re
not used to having a relationship with
God if it’s something that that you’re
new to this can be a great facilitator
you know to help you get started on that
that prayer journey and then if you’re
and if you do have a relationship with
God if you’re used to that that prayer
then this can help just push you a step
even further and and really digging deep
in the questions and and knowing with
specificity what to pray for right no
you know a lot of times we um
were one of the not the problems but the
challenges is that you know when you
when you come to know Christ and it’s
kind of like okay now what right you
know are like for four men one of the
reasons that it’s hard for men to pray
with their lives is as you know number
one we we don’t sound like Billy Graham
you know so we’re embarrassed because we
don’t speak eloquently and and we don’t
sound or we don’t sound religious you
know so so we don’t want to we don’t
want to open our mouths and sound simple
which that’s what God wants he wants you
to come to him like a child and then the
other thing is a lot of times you just
don’t know what to say you know what’s
on your heart it’s got to reconcile with
what’s on your head and then it’s got to
turn in to what’s spoken from your mouth
and and that’s a three part plug and it
doesn’t always connect in the way you
wanted to so the beauty of a devotional
specifically for men specifically for
women is that you you can read through
and then there’s quite where it says
write your own prayer you know and it is
it is a it’s a guy it’s a facilitator
it’s not it’s not we didn’t write it to
take the place of your own prayers and
your own desire but uh but it really is
it’s very very helpful and I’ve always
I’ve always enjoyed reading other you
know prayer broad devotional sustained
oh we’ve talked a lot like a last couple
of episodes about personal relationship
with Jesus and you know there are people
in that busy
we’re whatever they’re going through is
so painful that they do not have the
words to speak not even to God you know
I mean I’ve been there I know you’ve
been there you know and and the great
thing about about prayer is you know
what there’s power in the name of Jesus
and you know there’s been many a prayer
but the name of Jesus was the only thing
that I could pray didn’t speak it you
know and but through the power in the
name of Jesus you know I was able
eventually to pray what I needed to pray
to really you know right right
when you can say nothing else just speak
one name right and that’s really that’s
all that’s all there is you know and you
know when we and we talking about crying
out and making the effort through prayer
or calling out or talking to God or
pursuing and seeking you know that’s one
of our bottom lines for today is you
know again we keep saying there is no
such there’s no such thing as a perfect
marriage there’s no such thing as a
perfect marriage listen God created the
first marriage with with he Adam and Eve
and that got corrupted because of sin
because of temptation because of
disobedience so you know it takes work
to get that restoration but we can
guarantee you that you you get out of it
what you put into it right you know and
you know look I’ll confess I mean as a
man you know a lot of times guys you
know what I was divorced many years ago
you get married and then marriage is
just like something you do that’s like
okay I’m married it’s not something that
I’ve worked at it’s not something that I
I protect and I guarded I pursued and
the result was divorce and and you know
and then you know we slipped into that
in about our first year we were so busy
personally and we’re like okay we’re
married now let’s actually we didn’t
even take a honeymoon
what do we do our wedding night kind of
right in the car and went home
everyone in car and we went home and
went back to work and then we saw our
pastor in Louisiana Joshua also and he’s
like hey what do you got we saw on the
Sunday at church he’s like
and what are you guys doing for your
honeymoon we’re just nothing we’re we
don’t have any time we’re going to work
and he’s like listen you celebrate you
celebrate your marriage it’s got to be
the priority and we did and we totally
shifted it look thank God that we did
yeah you know but uh but that is you’re
going to get out of it what you put into
it just a we talk about just marriage in
society now American society you know
people put so little value on marriage
we’re talking about the priority of
marriage today
and people put so little value on
marriage and you know in 1983
I think it’s eighty-three percent of
adult Americans were married and in 2018
now less than 50 percent of adult
Americans are married and it’s just
because there’s not a priority on
marriage there’s such a hopelessness in
marriage now like people look at it it’s
not it doesn’t mean anything to them you
know and we’re gonna talk about I know
we have something coming up on contracts
and covenants you know a contract versus
in covenant but you know marriage is a
holy spiritual union you know the shame
is that the the desire God said it is
not good for man to be alone yeah and
that goes from a minute women so God
said that it is not good we were not
created to be alone so you have that
that God put that seed of desire in your
spirit to not be alone to be with
someone else you know so for that 83%
who went down to 50% you know that that
lack of I’m not a math major but around
33% you know reduction those people
still have a heavy desire right to be
connected with somebody else and and but
they don’t they don’t pursue it because
why well you know 50% of people who
marry are going to divorce so why would
you even pursue that so to me that the
shame though the hurtfulness is you’ve
got that desire you know but you don’t
but the cynicism keeps you from pursue
pursuing a marriage you know a guy based
married looks like people go into
relationships any relationship as if
it’s disposable you know it’s a
disposable commodity people are
disposable commodities now you know
you’re right that sounds horrible but
actually that’s you know and and you
know I’m sure later and one of the other
lessons we’re gonna talk about soul ties
and you know and how important and
detrimental soul ties can be you know to
your marriage when you finally do get
married just all these disposable
relationships you know and things like
but you know it’s really a culture shift
you’ve seen how we as a society have
changed just the priority of marriage
and when the priority of marriage shifts
I mean you can see the direct
correlation the priority of God know and
priority of marriage you know we’ve
taken him out of everything we’re taking
him out of school we’ve taken him out of
the courts we’ve taken him out of life
so we’ve taken him out of church a lot
of places yeah so so yeah definitely
he’s gonna be he’s gonna find his way
out of marriage and but but you know
again I just I really do I think it’s I
think it’s you know very unfortunate
that you know that you still have the
sincere desire to connect to be married
but we were in a relationship right but
because of the cynicism and the
skepticism and and because God’s been
taken out of it you know so it’s kind of
like having a beautiful car and you’re
in your garage with with no gasoline
there’s no fuel there’s no God to get it
cranked and get it going so how do we
I think I’m shaken how do we protect our
marriage how do we guard you know and
and there’s four foundational walls for
marriage and they are I’m gonna quiz you
so the law of priority which is what
we’re going to be talking about today
right I have a law of pursuit the law of
possession and the law of purity no
probably say that one more time for
people if they’re not on a slide
priority pursuit possession purity
that’s good that’s a lot of a lot of
peace that’s a lot of big words so today
we’re talking about the law of priority
so I wasn’t going to do good on a quiz
so I actually typed them out so first I
want to share two scriptures
that that talked about the importance of
priority and the first is from Genesis
is to 24 25 I said this is why man
leaves his father and mother and is
united to his wife and the two become
one flesh and you know that’s the
priority I mean how many people and and
maybe we’re all guilty of it you know is
you know you don’t want to leave mama
you know you don’t leave mama and and
well you know the sisters get involved
and and they don’t really like the wife
you know and or maybe the brothers are
you know there they pickle them on their
new sister-in-law and and you still got
that bet longing just stay with Mama and
Daddy or when things go bad right here
do you run back to where do you run back
to all right let me tell you like you
know we’ve heard people say a good
parent good parents in a strong marriage
when they have a child run back to him
will tell them to go back yeah you know
when they’re having trouble in their
marriage because that is your family now
that is your priority and it but it’s
not looked at it like that like you said
it’s a temporary disposable commodity
right and you know we look we tell our
kids all the time
parenting our job our kids are a
temporary assignment yeah you know when
they get to have age they’re out it’s
our job to raise them to be able to go
out and be independent and part of
raising them is given that that
Christian foundation and you know and we
would mentor them up to the point of of
marriage the book that Jimmy Evans that
we gave the girls the right one the
right one and so you know it’s things
like that is provide them with the
information but we’re talking about your
marriage being the priority the law
priority and and and you know and Adam
and Eve open to the point of the Apple
the forbidden fruit that was right you
leave your mother and father and cleave
to your wife because that’s your family
now your mom and dad god bless them you
know your honor I mean that you know but
but you can’t keep running home to mama
right when things go wrong and that’s
the thing too you know like so many
especially young couples I think
and women I think are probably
specifically guilty of this mm-hmm I
agree you know like you know you and I
have a fight mm-hmm and I go drag all
our business to my mom oh yeah you know
what I forgive you doesn’t mean that she
forgives you right you know she’s still
carrying you’re right carrying that with
her you know that animosity or that
anger or whatever let me throw this one
at you talking about keeping your
priority to to you and your spouse is
what else where else are they run into
other than mama when they got it when
they got a complaint with their spouse
Facebook they’re running a Facebook and
their social media and it’s not and
everybody jumps in there and man let me
I mean listen you know your
mother-in-law may forget one day maybe
but listen that’s stuff on social media
that stuff never goes wait right you
know and how do you think it makes your
spouse feel you know if you have any any
desire for reconciliation and you got
all this junk posted on Facebook you
know I mean how does it make you look
not you of me but somebody who does it
so let your spouse be the most important
person gods number one your spouse isn’t
number two right but there should be no
other person on this earth who’s more
important than your spouse not even your
kids right let’s say we make sure we
tell our kids y’all are number three
right yeah I mean we love you but it’s
god it’s it’s us and it’s you yeah so
that’s how important part is and then
the other verse that we that we like to
reference I’m sorry just through that
that’s right you did exodus 34:14
for thou shalt worship worship no other
God for the Lord whose name is jealous
is a jealous God and actually just read
a whole series about this and I think
it’s fantastic because you know you
forget you know God has so many names in
the Bible but jealous is one of them
and we’re talking about legitimate
protective jealousy commit not like
scratching a key downside of your call
right but in a marriage you know there
is healthy jealous jealous and you know
and it’s it’s okay you should be to it
because the
is this is it right you know we’re it
and very protective that’s the priority
and you know and you should never you
know we deal with with couples like that
to where where one is made to feel
jealous all the time that’s not healthy
no no we’re talking in a legitimate
jealousy in the context from Exodus
where where it is you know it’s not it’s
not because there’s lack of security
right you know we talked about that
before where you know when you wouldn’t
you speak with two women they speak in a
language of security right for Leah it’s
the most important thing I can do is to
make sure she feels secure secure in our
physical home secure in our surroundings
secure in our marriage you know that’s
the sick that’s what means a lot to her
you know for men we we need through
Specht and you knows what he needs to
earn respect you know well if that’s
your spouse and you don’t respect them
there’s an issue and the issue starts
with you don’t have a personal
relationship with god but respect your
husband to the women out there respect
your husband whether he deserves it or
not you learn every day because that
goes back to the Bible verse we’re
talking about change you can change your
husband by changing your behavior right
and and you know and if he’s and if he’s
not someone respectable pray him up you
know be be the Azer you know be the
helper the rescuer do miraculous things
but don’t throw them under the bus
but but so back to the point of jealousy
is that’s the priority of marriage you
know in Genesis you know the man will
leave his mother and father and your
cleave to his wife and then you know the
example of God saying you know there
would be no other God listen I’m jealous
and we’re not talking about again we’re
not talking about somebody stalking you
and running a key down the side of your
car this is a legitimate there is
healthiness in jealousy yeah but I mean
it’s a I mean it’s the reason that you
wear wedding rings it’s the reason that
we can go places together like and it’s
a claiming you know you’re mine and
you’re mine alone you know and I’m yours
and and that is that’s priority you know
and you know I think we can but you know
like I I know the unhealthy jealousy you
know and that’s not a place you ever
want to be know what for a woman I mean
that there’s no security in unhealthy
jealousy right and again for women
security is one of the most important
things that they can have by the way I’m
gonna do you know why that that you wear
the wedding ring on this finger
why do you know no tell me
teach me do you all know I hope you know
the answer and I’m just asking random
punch whistle to somebody this is if I’m
not Chris taking this is the only finger
where the vein runs all the way to the
heart and if there’s like a first-year
medical student and and you know and and
I’m wrong just don’t comment but it
sounded really good and I’m loving what
it is so let’s go back to the law
priority yes okay
those those are the keys and unless it
is marriage is designed to operate as a
top priority you can’t just the way we
treated it when we first got married was
we were business partners first and
probably friends second and then married
people like third right oh and then our
kids parents after that maybe the kids
were pushed up I’m really always focus
on the kids to say like on the priority
list like I felt that was the least
priority yeah like as a wife I felt like
I was at the bottom of the list and so
in like and I don’t know where you you
felt you were in but you know I think it
was just still trying to find that
position with God you know to to find a
relationship with God at that point but
it’s like that you know that’s where
where I was and I’m telling you like if
if your spouse is not right a second
after God don’t put him in that place
you know I mean that’s this is supposed
to be the person that loves you the most
in the world besides God and don’t ever
you know you do don’t do that to your
spouse don’t put them in a position to
where they feel like the person that’s
supposed to love them in the
the most in the world you know they
might be 10th or 11th of importance as
far as love goes you know that’s it’s
not not a good thing to do to your
spouse know and look and if and if your
marriage is not your top priority then
it’s not gonna last you know I mean if
you want it to be important treat it
like it’s important and treating like
it’s important is is public affirmation
not necessarily public what does it go
upcoming a PDA yeah yeah PD I’m not
talking PDA I’m talking about public
affirmation if you’re with your girls at
a lunch man don’t knock your husband
down you know bring him up or just be
you know guys you know oh man you know
and you know a lot of times with guys
they don’t even talk about their spouses
but they’re talking about oh look at her
look at that you know by doing that
you’re disrespecting your wife you know
and those little seeds are being planted
in your friends minds and and it makes
an effect you know so if you want it to
be important treat it like it’s
important you know we we touched on
legitimate jealousy and and you really
do your wife your husband like I said
sometimes we’ll joke about it I’m like
all right you know you know you get a
little too cocky and she’s like I yeah I
deserve to be cocky you’re my husband I
know you love me I got no worries you
know and you know and should be cocky
you know safety net
that’s a good anything I mean I’m never
like disrespect for anything but like
there should be nothing that comes
across my heart that I shouldn’t be able
to share with you you know and that
freedom to share it with you otherwise
who are you gonna you gonna shoot me you
go back to mama no right right off the
bat says don’t do that and we you know
Mama’s sister your friends whatever you
know you know we’re just taking you know
some of the notes we jot it down it’s
just you know I mean and it’s true after
a couple this is a couple of years
probably after a couple months you know
men they get back settled into their
career and women focus on the home and
the kids and you know these were good
work is good family is good but you know
that’s you can’t allow marriage to just
be become something you do right it’s
got to be who you are it’s got to be
what you strive it has got to be the
most important thing in your and your in
your life and you know I’ll tell you we
did we went on a we stay involved with
with XO XO marriage conference XO cruise
and it is presented by marriage today
and and we wrote a cruise and it was all
it was couples from everywhere and it
for a guy it’s it’s different because
guys don’t think in terms of like
celebrating marriage it’s like yeah we
cool your marriage you know we met yeah
that’s my man my ring you know you don’t
think of it in terms of celebrating it
and when you get on this around these
other people it doesn’t have to be a
cruise there’s a lot of workshops and
there’s a lot of marriage weekend to
remember there’s a lot of marriage
conferences and like we love going to
marriage conferences and when you tell
somebody oh yeah we went to a marriage
conference so like what’s going on oh
okay yeah I know it we’re gonna laughs
it’s like no man like people go to two
writing conferences and exercise
conferences and and and I mean lightbulb
conferences why can’t you go to a
marriage conference it’s a celebrate
marriage so for a guy it’s nice to be
around other men and that becomes your
peer group right you know look we pray
we pray for married couples for married
you know and that’s where we learned you
know and then you know we were paying it
forward because you know we want to
mentor be mentors or other to other
couples so let it be your priority
celebrate like Josh like our pastor said
Josh go also celebrate your marriage
celebrate it so I’m gonna celebrate
later with ice cream mm-hmm we’re
fasting okay all right where are we we
want to talk let’s talk about how to
establish and maintain the right
priorities in your marriage and I got a
little slide for that one day we’re
gonna buy out we’re gonna get a mouse
yeah cursor me
so these are the ways that you prove
listen it’s easy to say well you know
I’m gonna refocus you know maybe there
was an affair and then there’s some
restoration work to be done or or maybe
you just grew apart you know look we get
so many emails from people that say you
know we have grown apart where we’re not
where we want to be you know we don’t
want a divorce but we just don’t want to
be together right you know right how do
you prove if you’re seeking restoration
how do you prove that your marriage is a
well that’s the thing it’s like your
words mean nothing if your actions don’t
follow hmm
so I mean you you have to show you know
that your marriage is priority I can’t
just tell your spouse over and over
again then think you like being married
to them I’m actually they’re gonna stop
believing you you know you’re right it’s
a whole you know you’re important but I
got to go right okay I got something to
do right so so you’re gonna go hang with
the guy you’re right so the first thing
is it’s the first way to prove that
marriage is a priority is sacrifice and
that’s simply listen I will give this up
for you right you know I will give this
up for you and you know and and it’s and
it’s it doesn’t have to be a big grand
gesture you know I’ll give up oxygen I’m
gonna breathe your love that will you
won’t last maybe seven seconds you know
give up your work things like that I’m
gonna give up my job my employment maybe
give up staying at the office till 8
o’clock and come on my 5:00 when you
don’t have to you know that’s right no
let’s give up watching TV you know
Taylor you know until you go to bed I
mean it’s whatever it’s got to be some
type of sacrificial offer right to show
your spouse listen you’re more important
than reruns of late-night television you
know and listen what’s your spouse going
to do they’ll either go do their own
thing or or they’ll sit there with you
in silence but misery
I mean silent misery is just as is sad
you know other than the sacrifice you
know time yeah it’s huge you know we
always talked about you know we said
we’re going to make the time it’s C well
if I could find the time to do this no I
mean you’re not gonna find there’s only
24 hours in a day right
always only 24 well like yeah you’re
like one of your love languages is
quality time mm-hmm you know and so like
that’s the best way to to show you that
you’re loved you know so I spend in time
with you and you know so if you have a
spouse that quality time is their love
language you know basically when you
don’t spend time with them what you’re
telling them is they that you know you
don’t have that that kind of love for
them that you’re not don’t worry am as a
priority right the next thing is energy
and it says I will meet your needs and
it’s whatever those needs are you know I
mean it could be sexual needs it can be
physical fitness you know where maybe
you know to return to some state of
vigor or a hobby or something like that
you know if someone is so passionate
about something you know it’s you know
it’s wonderful to have a passion a dream
a desire and then it’s even more
wonderful to have a spouse that look you
know you may love painting and I can’t
touch a brush but I can show you that
listen I can be there I can support you
right and like you know we talk we live
in a society that is a selfish society
oh yeah and you know just as sinners
were selfish people but in a marriage
you cannot be selfish you have to be
servants to each other and we hear that
so much you know my spouse didn’t
deserve this he doesn’t deserve you know
for me to do for him for you know and
like he’s you treat it like you feel
like a slave instead of like you’re
serving him yeah in a godly way you know
I’ll tell ready you know we talked about
this about about submission and you know
of course the the current liberal
mindset is oh you know there’s no way
there’s no way well that’s the number
one you don’t understand biblical
principles number two you don’t
understand that the value of submission
and it doesn’t mean that you’re weak or
you’re subservient or your second place
it takes a strong person to say I’m
going to voluntarily submit my will to
your leadership listen not everybody can
be a leader right so you know it provoke
if we’re both strong people pulling in
different directions you’re going to rip
things apart are you just not going to
go anywhere but but you know so when
people when you say that about you know
I’m there too
there to meet your needs or to serve you
or you know or like Lea’s love languages
touch you know and look I’m not a big
hugger but I know that I need to meet
her needs and and you know and and we’re
talking about like non-sexual physical
intimacy you know for guys you know give
me a high five and I’m getting a dress
hopping a bit you know guys do that let
me that’s the guy mentality you know for
your for your for your wife you know hug
and hand holes and and physical touching
that doesn’t always lead to sex so that
shows yeah I’m I’m here to meet your
needs and then that goes into the others
is the attitude and it’s just letting
your spouse know I want to be with you
you know and words are wonderful right
but actions right you know listen I want
to be with you I gotta go right you know
I’ll be with you in about three hours
where I get home what does that say this
or or a wife I’ll be with you in 18
years when the last kids only knows oh
no you’re right that’s a big one no it’s
huge and then that’s when you see a lot
of people get divorced is after their
last kid graduates from high school you
know but the strongest marriages are to
servants in love right and you know we
talked about covenant versus contract
and you know contracts 5050 and that’s
what marriage is 50/50 you know he’d
I’ll do as much as he does that means
you’re both willing to come up to a
point and stop right it’s got to be a
hundred hundred you know you got it
there’s got to be overlapping commitment
and dedication and and these these
points are showing that that your
marriage is a priority yeah and there’s
gonna be days when one of you serves
more than the other right it’s not you
not keeping score you know there’s gonna
be days when one of you sick or weeks
when one of you sick or you know if you
have long illness or things like that
well even if it’s spiritual I mean you
know I mean you know there’s an ebb and
flow in the spiritual realm and and you
know you might find yourself under a
dark spiritual cloud or under spiritual
attack you know and listen I mean the
closer you draw together we don’t want
to scare you out of out of drug being
drawn close together but you know
the closer you draw to God you know and
the closer you’re being drawn together
and that’s when Satan Satan listen let’s
not kid ourselves Satan hates marriage
he hates it
listen Adam was created and you never
heard a word about the devil right there
was no serpent there was nothing when
did he come on the scene when Eve came
on the scene why because now there’s a
marriage right
so it became the most important thing
for the for Satan to do was attacked to
wedge to disrupt that marriage
he did it then and he’s doing it now now
how do you how do you how do you close
the gap you draw close to God you stay
close to God you don’t give that that
space there’s no grace in that space
when temptations involved you know so
the devil hates marriage he’s gonna do
everything he can to destroy so you have
got to keep those priorities and the
priorities you’ve got to let your spouse
know and show you are the most important
thing on this earth and and those
priorities are and you can’t make any
bones about it it’s God it’s your spouse
it’s your kids then your church extended
family friends work and then hobbies and
interest what God’s got to be first look
put it in line everything else is gonna
flash shouts right I mean don’t don’t
worry about if you’re right at the top
everything everything’s gonna be right
no you’re right so what we want to talk
about you know just just really brief is
you’d really do I mean we say if you
want it to be important you got to make
you got to treat it like it’s important
but but you know if you do if you
practice these four walls well this
first law a priority and then the ways
to prove it you know you’re willing to
be sacrificial you’re willing to spend
the time you’re willing take sort to
energy and you’re willing to come with
the proper attitude you’re gonna your
spouse is going to fully understand
believe and trust that that it is the
priority I mean it’s really simple when
you think of I you know and you know and
like we said carve out the time that’s
why date nights and
days are so important you know take your
lunch hour with your spouse or you know
but carve out the time together away
from the kids right let’s you spend it
together and look and and the best way
to to do something with your spouse you
know if your spouse likes to hunt go
hunting with them it doesn’t matter if
you like to do it it’s not about you you
know it’s about being together
and the best way to reach him is by
meeting him where where he likes to be
yeah you know and vice versa maybe he’ll
come to me just because I like to do
them and you’ll suffer through it you
know well suffer through it because we
go to we go to a movie because I feed
him where he can actually eat at the
restaurant guys guys I’m telling you hey
you know if you want it to be important
treat it like it’s important and look it
doesn’t mean you’re you’re less of a man
because you’re willing to go to a
marriage conference not because you’re
in trouble not because you’re trying to
get brownie points because you want to
be there with your wife because you want
to celebrate the most important thing
there is on the earth listen people
they’ll backpack across country to go to
a Super Bowl right and they’re not
playing in it they’re not even
guaranteed they’re gonna get a ticket
but they will walk across the country to
go to go to the game but you won’t drive
down the street to sit in a church
service or go to a small group that
celebrates marriage right you know we
got to get our priorities straight you
know we just got a couple things we want
to ask you and the first and most
important thing is to pray over this
series we we covet your prayers you know
we want to reach as many people as we
can and want to heal as many marriages
as we can or you let God use us to help
heal marriages so we we ask for your
prayers and we want you know chances are
that you’ve know someone who’s been
divorced you’ve been divorced somebody
you know somebody who’s heading toward
divorce or maybe just just struggling in
a season difficult season of marriage
and you know I have helped him out send
them the link for this or just introduce
them to us and you know you know this
this marriage on the rock
I’m serious it’s it saved our merch and
it strengthened our marriage and in
which we believe in it we totally invest
in it this is all Bible base God
centered teaching and we’re just we’re
just fortunate enough to be able to
share it so we’re asking you to share
this with someone who needs who needs to
help who maybe just wants to strengthen
their marriage so we need your help okay
is what we’re asking share this invite
your friends invite your family churches
that may be looking for a small group or
or to do a to do a study of marriage
study or small you know of pre marriage
couples or something
we marriage on the rock is a perfect
opportunity doing an online small group
is a perfect opportunity we didn’t we
appreciate so much the time you spend
with us and in allowing us to to spend
time with you and and again prayer
requests you punch them below the links
for the books will be in the comments
below or submit your prayer requests
that are at our website right thanks
very cool so we thank you and God bless
you and thanks


About Dr. Scott Silverii

Christ follower, husband, dad, author and retired chief of police discovering the amazing side of a servant's life.

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